Have you ever struggled with the direction you're supposed to go? What to do? How should I invest my time? What am I called to do? Why do I feel so lost?
This seems to be the season I am in right now . . . seeking direction, but more specifically, finding out who I really am. Who has God created me to be, and what should I be doing with my life?
After 26 years of raising a family of four (five if you count my husband) ;), our last child sprouted her wings and we now have an "empty" nest. I put parenthesis around "empty" because our house is still quite full on weekends when the grandkids come to visit, or the kids come over to go four-wheeling or swimming in the pool.
But the last two years, for the first time in my entire life, I have been able to make my own schedule - no practices to go to, soccer games, PTA meetings, fundraisers, concession stand duty or goodness knows what else! My time is no longer dictated by other people's commitments. Honestly, I thought I would have such a rough time, missing the kids and the life we shared, but it has been very refreshing for me to do what I want to do, when I want to, and how I want to!
Lately, however, God has me, what I would call, fenced in. Everything I have tried to put my energy and effort into has hit dead ends. It finds me questioning. OK, now what? WHAT???
One thing I have learned about myself (I am learning a LOT about myself that I haven't known before) is that I am a perfectionist :/// And one of the false beliefs I have lived by (unknowingly) is "If I don't make it happen myself, it won't happen". There is no trust in God in that statement. Because with God, ALL THINGS are possible. It puts all the responsibility upon ME. I WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN. I am a worker. A doer. Give me a list or tell me what to do, and by God, I will get it done. I am reliable and faithful. I'm a HARD worker!
Interestingly, God has been reminding me of my true name. I go by Jeanie, but my given name is Mary. The famous story in the Bible of Martha wiping herself out by "serving", while Mary sat at Jesus' feet learning and listening, just being with Him, was brought back to my mind. "You are called to be a Mary, not a Martha." Ouch. We can get so BUSY - busy serving the very One who is our source of life, that we miss the very thing we are called to - fellowship with God himself.
Then God led me to this scripture today. Is. 30:31 Whether you turn to the right or the left, your ears will hear a voice saying, This is the way, walk in it."
When we stop the rush of life, notice where God is leading, pay attention to that voice that is prompting you. He will breathe life into all that you do. It will be purposeful and fulfilling. Later on in that same passage it tells us to earnestly wait for Him, to expect, look and long for Him. It will bring unbroken companionship as He walks with us throughout each day.
The Girls of Wildfire Artisans